I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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