I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize