1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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