DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize