all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
