even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
