just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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