I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
