I looked at my own cervix.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
