i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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