my phone needs a breathalizer
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
