I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
