I'm jealous of your bromance
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
