A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
