There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
