You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just found a bag of teeth...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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