just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
