I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
