and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
