we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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