The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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