I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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