I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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