I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
