It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
