is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
