What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
