She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
