Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
