if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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