This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
