Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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