Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
