Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my sisters under your porch take her home
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
