I just cut my nipple shaving
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
