I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
