Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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