I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
