i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
