for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
