I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
