so that wasnt chicken after all
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
