some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
