After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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