You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
