I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
