It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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