I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
