do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
