Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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