I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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