Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
