Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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