I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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