I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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