if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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