Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
