I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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