Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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