Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
