Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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