I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize