Whod you bang
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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