she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
