At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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