Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
