did you get engaged???
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
