I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
