i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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