no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
