btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
