You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
