Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
