Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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