Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize