Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
