I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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