I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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