He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
