Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ketchup is God's man juice
im calling her cock vulture from now on
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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