i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
