yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
