I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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