Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize