If that was your dad, he is hot
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
