I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
