That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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