I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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