tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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