i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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