watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she peed on how many people?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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