i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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