At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
