I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
