Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I will die if light touches me.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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