I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
