She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
