I faked an abortion last night.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
