I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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