I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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