Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
