I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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