i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize