so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
