He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
