He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
