Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
