Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
