Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
