I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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