I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
