so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
