Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
