goodnight i made you a song goodbye
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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