we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
