Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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