everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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