do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
