I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
