So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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