if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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