I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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